Posted in Writerly Advice

Writer’s Police (Writerly Advice for the Wrong)

I hereby take your creative license:

 

Overly Dramatic/Excited Writer

I can’t believe he did this to me!  What am I going to do?!!!

Meandering Writer

See, it all started when he didn’t show up for wedding rehearsal.  I mean, we met in, what, 1996?  Or was it 1998?  Anyway, two days ago he decided he didn’t like his tux.  Then he didn’t like his best man.  Actually, he swung a blow at him two weeks ago, no, that was in January, or some time around the Super Bowl.  He was drunk and livid that his team lost. I don’t remember which team. I haven’t even told you  who “he” is, have I? His name is Brad.  But back to what I was saying about wedding rehearsal….

The Telling You Instead of Showing You Writer

(Of course you could read the above example, but for fun’s sake…)  Susan is angry, and slightly crazy. 

The Grammatically Challenged Writer

It is I who said, just the other night, something ain’t right wit Brad.  He my fiance.  Me and him supposed to be getting married tomorrow but he seems to be missing and I ain’t been able to find him nowheres.

Spell Hazard

This is stoopid.  Brad’s emmbarrassing me on the most impotent day of my life.  

Adverb Abuser

I angrily stomp outside, grab my cellphone, and quickly text Brad.  It is precisely six o’clock. Unfortunately, he’s acting irresponsibly.  Why isn’t he answering my calls.  I try again, more urgently this time. 

The Combo Adverb/Adjective Abuser

The air is hot and humid and dreary and misty and stifling, and I feel scared and used, as though the entire, family-filled sanctuary is laughing secretly, quietly, at me. 

Metaphoric/Analogy Writer

The raindrops slide down the mosaic windows like tear drops from my eyes. I stand alone at the altar like a ship abandoned at sea. I am to pain as knife is to flesh.  I am dead.

 

Your turn.  Give out the tickets:-)

 

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Author:

2011 Nano winner 2009 special mention in Writer's Journal for "Silent Words" Poet, avid reader, lover of art, average Jane

4 thoughts on “Writer’s Police (Writerly Advice for the Wrong)

  1. You have a lot of well-thought out tickets! I wonder what it would be like to write a post with all of those violations. 🙂 I am certain I’ve earned a number of tickets in my day — hope no one comes to call them in!

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    1. Thanks. I think using all the violations in a single post would be humorous. We should all get together and try it–as a ’round robin. BTW, there’s no telling how much grammar I’ve violated with these few sentences alone. I must learn the rules of dashes. Seems they’ve taken the place of commas…or something. ????

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