Posted in everyday living, life and reflection

Practicality vs Creativity

Feeling some kind of way today that I don’t even have a word for.  Depressed?  Trapped in a situation caused by a circumstance?  Stagnate?  My writer’s brain says “caged” but, of course, others would probably say that’s a bit dramatic. It’s a long story that I suppose my conscience has tugged me about before; yep, something has been trying to tell me something for about five years.  So when do you say, “enough is enough” when do you just…free fall?  Will there be something besides cement down there when I jump?

The abridged version of this story is that the current circumstances and present situation ain’t working.  At all.  But I, being the cautious over-thinker that I am, am reluctant to open the window and just…jump.

It seems somewhat impractical to starve while being happy, and yet it feels silly to make money while sacrificing one’s self, family, and sanity.  Tis the world we live in.  We learn to become collages among the chaos of life.

Yes, I’ve seen others plunge into the unknown; some even looked better after what seemed an irrational leap of faith.  But, then again, I suppose that’s the point:  faith.

In any event, today brings to mind some words written in the journal last year:

 Where did you go?

You know, the person,

not the one we see,

the you inside.

Where did you go?

You let them strip you–

of your joy

your energy, your smile,

your light?

 

Lose who you are and you become a collage of everything and everyone else…

sms/2011   http://bluegreenlilac.livejournal.com

 

 

 

 

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Author:

2011 Nano winner 2009 special mention in Writer's Journal for "Silent Words" Poet, avid reader, lover of art, average Jane

3 thoughts on “Practicality vs Creativity

  1. I know, and I think many people can identify, with the fear and sort of paralysis you feel. I don’t think “caged” is overdramatic at all. I think it truly speaks, that it’s an honest term for how you are feeling right now, whatever the circumstances. I get it. The more people we care about in our lives, the more difficult it is, I think, to find that balance between loving what you do and loving who you’re with. Every hour I am away from my son, I fight guilt for not spending time with him. I don’t HAVE to write. But then again, I do. And I return to him with greater love, because absence makes the heart grow fonder. Probably that doesn’t speak at all to what you’re going through – I guess I am just saying I relate to your post in my own way. Keep thinking and chewing on this. You’ll know when, or if, to jump.

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    1. Kate, thank you so much for reading. Sometimes, when I’m truly honest in my post, I get scared and thus feel the need to delete them. I was JUST about to go back and trash this when I saw your comment. It’s moreso of a do what you love and take the risk of failing or do what you’re accustomed to type of situation. Without being one of those posters who people say, “you should never talk about that in cyberspace”, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love what I do for a living (to an extent) but it doesn’t fit who I truly am or my current circumstances. Being that I rarely quit what I start, it looks like I’m in it for the long haul. (15 years now) I guess that’s why I write so much in my spare time; it gives me solace and helps nuture my true self.

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      1. I don’t think people are real or honest enough in cypberspace, as a general rule. Not that we want to get whiney or adopt a woe-is-me-like attitude, but too often we try to be made of steel and 100 percent always happy. It brings me back down to earth when I can read of other real people having real struggles. You did that for me with this post, and I am so glad you didn’t delete it.

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