From the Archive: Mail Order Man

*From the prompt: Write About Mail Order



Customer Service:  Make-A-Man. How may I help you?

Disgruntled Customer:  Uh, yes, I’m calling in reference to my order. I asked for Mr. Perfect, number 117, page 36 and, well, he ain’t so perfect.”

Customer Service: All of our men are 100% guaranteed. We don’t make mistakes here at Make-A-Man.

Disgruntled Customer:  Obviously you do because this guy is no different from any other. He leaves the toilet seat up, loses the cap to the toothpaste, and walks all over my freshly

mopped floor with his muddy boots!  If I wanted that type man I’d keep the one I have.


Customer Service: Misses…Gruntled, is it?  If you want Perfect Man you’ll have to talk to God. That line and species was discontinued after Adam.

Disgruntled Customer: Then why is it in the catalog!

Customer Service: If I recall correctly, page 36 says “Mr. Perfect,” which means near perfect; and Allen, the gentlemen you ordered, is as near perfection as it gets in 2013.

Disgruntled Customer:  Yeah, but that isn’t–

Customer Service:  He’s working in every other sense, right?

Disgruntled Customer: Yes. But…


Customer Service: As long as he is working and doesn’t run off without notice, or harm you physically, there is nothing we can do.

Disgruntled Customer: No refund?

Customer Service: I’m afraid not. If you had read the fine print you would have seen our no return policy.





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