Shoulders back, heads up, barracuda grin
wise-cracks, playback, hold the worries in
press play, record again: I’m fine. I’m fine.
I have been told that I am very rational. There are times in which I’m uncertain whether this is a compliment or a polite way of saying, “You should be crying, yelling, having a nervous breakdown; instead you’re just…standing there. What is your deal!”
Okay, in a couple of situations people pointed out the latter as well.
My reasoning may be faulty, but I feel there has to be some logical reason for every action and reaction in life. The person who talks to everyone as if they’re idiots from some unknown galaxy? Well, maybe that’s the way they’ve been taught to communicate. Perhaps their parents conversed with one another that way. Maybe the rude person in question is having a rough day. That lady who threw a worn garment in your face and demanded a refund, even though the sweater was 80% cat hair and 20% sweater? (And, yes, that happened years ago when I was pregnant with my first child, hormonal, and working customer service) It is possible that poor lady was…crazy!
Yet, here I am, trying to find a logical reason why this month has been so challenging. And attempting to find a way to deal–rationally. And because I can’t, I simply avoid. (See the post: Access & Avoid)
This month: I lost a person I grew up with to lupus, and it hit home harder than usual because…I too have lupus and we were a team, a support group. When this person was diagnosed twelve years ago, she had a family and army of friends who stood by and willed her on. And to go to her funeral was very hard.
This month: Carpal tunnel wrecked havoc. Had to halt nano, make a couple of trips to the doctor, pray and recite my daily mantra. (See, the post: The Walk-through Daily Mantra)
To process what nerve damage in both hands means would only make me frustrated, so I search for positive things to do which require minimal movement.
Mind you, holding a book isn’t an easy task. But reading Poems that Save your Life, a book of inspirational poetry, has lifted my spirits some.
What is my favorite so far? It’s Fine Today, by Douglass Malloch. The lines which resonate most? These:
It’s today that I am livin’
Not a month ago.
Havin’; losin’; takin’; given’;
As time wills it so.
Yesterday a cloud of sorrow
Fell across the way,
It may rain again tomorrow,
It may rain–but say,
Ain’t it fine today?
This too shall pass
HE never packs on more than we can carry
Every tunnel has light down yonder
When life hands you pee, make apple juice
All is well if we think it
Look for the funny in everything
Keep your head up
Trials teach us to help others
Heaven help us all
Resilience makes us stronger
Our stories are a collaboration
Understand that, and you’ll get by
Give, and you just might forget
How hard your own struggles seem
YOUR TURN: Do you have a mental “walk through” or mantra when things get tough? If so, what is it? Do share.
Run, run–as fast as you can
don’t let it catch you–
that depression, man
just run, fast, faster,
fast as you can
And then what?
Just thinking about that feeling of being the scared kid at the recital. He has two choices: to sweat and play or cry and run offstage. But guess what?
gains even less
if he doesn’t
So play, dernit, play! *
*Taken from my journal post at bluegreenlilac.livejournal.com